I know I like to do ridiculous things....

but seriously, I went out in 72 for that 1500 I ran on Saturday. In the wind. In the 35 degree temp. In the midst of clouds threatening to sleet all over us.

It was nuts. I sat here all day, trying to study for finals and watching the weather deteriorate as the day progressed... cold, ran, cold, sun, cold, sleet, sun, more sleet, then windier than hell. Showed up at the meet, trying to find the same focus I had last week when I torched my PR in heavy winds. Hoping I'd be able to. Trying to calm down; I had been insanely anxious since I saw there were badgers in my heat, and since I knew my legs could do some damn work!

Right before my race was supposed to start and they were running some 4x100 relays and I was pacing, I noticed the wind died a little. I had also decided that even though the temp with the wind chill was about 35 degrees, I wasn't wearing anything extra, just my usual uniform and so on. I think that was ultimately what made me what I was that day: I'm not bending to the weather.

In the past I have had so many experiences where either myself or others have allowed weather to be the excuse. In fact, I can't think of another time before last week when I DIDN'T blame my poor performance on wind or rain or something else. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing, and certainly not something you can always control or ignore but I think I made a gigantic breakthrough. I somehow found a way to IGNORE the weather. When I raced in Oshkosh last week, I knew it was going to be windy. I got in the race and I didn't feel the wind. The only time I noticed the wind, really noticed it, was when it wasn't there as I was running the last 100m towards the finish and it wasn't there, it was just silence and me chasing down the two girls who had put 10m on me within the last 400m.

This race, I somehow found that same spot. I think if everyone I know could find this mindset during a race, somehow (I have no idea how to teach this, I really don't yet), people could do so much better. Somehow, I was in this place, this mindset, where it didn't matter. I was running my pace. I heard the gun, I took off. I was with the Marquette girls and the Wisco girl from the bat. I let them tag in front of me, and I tried to keep with them. They were ahead of me and I knew they were going places and I needed to be with them.

I coasted off them, hitting the 400m mark at 1:12. I couldn't BELIEVE this. I felt good and I was going fast. I thought "slow down a little" then I remembered last year at twilight when I went out really fast the first 400 & had told myself to slow down only to slow down TOO much and run a really awful time. That shot through my head and I ignored the thought of slowing down. I came through the half in 2:32. I nearly - just - I don't know.. I didn't even know what to do. I'm sure if anyone saw my face when I heard the guy calling splits, they would have seen a look of sheer disbelief. Just nuttier than hell.

So I kept togging on. I was necked with this girl from Northwestern, her name is Busta (last name), and she's a teammate of my friend Kaley. We talked about this on the line, which was strange. I don't like to talk before races, but I had already been talking to Meg and some of the boys on my team who were about to race the 1500..

Anyway, so she and I are coasting and I had gotten a bit ahead of her, I think, and we were coming around the curve when I saw the Wisco girl getting closer to me. She was dying. Brittany F. knew my goal was to beat this girl. We get to the finish line with 400m to go and I pass this girl right where all the WTC folk are standing and Brittany is yelling shit and I had the GALL to stick on my tongue and smile. There's a picture of my sorry ass doing this just after passing this girl. It's awful.

But I had to finish the race still. I kicked into some sort of gear, I was neck with that NW girl still and coming around the last curve I thought I might best her. I didn't really feel like hitting the extra gear though, or maybe the 72 at the beginning had cost me, because either way my legs weren't pushing me past her. Then around the 50m I just saw the clock scroll to 4:38 and agonizingly creep up into the 40s and I was just focused on that, and lost track of where that Busta girl went.

And in the end, I crossed the line in 4:49.26. I have no idea how to describe how happy I was after I crossed and saw that time paused on the screen.

There's nothing more I can really say. I have exceeded my own expectations of myself. I was able to coach myself to this point, to the point where I could determinedly race myself to a PR in WIND and shitty conditions two weeks in a row. I can't describe how good that feels.

I'm not saying that to toot my own horn. Maybe I am. But I'm not saying it to be stupid or a douchebag about it, I'm not saying it to be "nah nah I'm better than you." I'm saying it because I think I earn a little credit for this semester. I've put in a lot of work, and I've run most of my workouts completely alone. And most of the workouts I have done were the product of my imagination.

With that said I am sad that I haven't seen many of the girls progress this season. I saw them progress in workouts, I saw their times drop and their form improve. None of them raced consistently enough to see whether the workouts I created were effective for anyone else. So I don't know. Maybe the long distance group workouts weren't very good, or maybe they were awesome. I know that what I came up with for the mid distance group worked out well for me, but I can't say I know for sure about the other girls.

The boys though.. man, a lot of them ran some nice PRs. We had a guy sub 15 in the 5k, which was pretty cool to see. There were a ton more PRs, too, and then we headed over to the Lathrop house for a team party. It was a great day, and I was so happy.

I am still pretty happy, and it sucks because I can't focus on my finals worth a damn. I haven't been this happy in a while though, and some other things are looking up. So I can't wait til this Friday when it will finally be "summer" and I am looking forward to my half marathon in a few weeks here. I guess we'll see what happens.