Misc thoughts

Well I'm just taking time to write some things out because if I don't I'm fairly certain I will explode. Honestly. If I survive this semester it will be an absolute miracle. If I come out of this semester alive, successful athletic training certification, with a job lined up and with a grad school/physician extender position lined up, it will be even more of an amazing feat against the forces of good and evil.


Er, anyways - what was I saying?

Right.

Shit's getting real. Here's a synopsis of why I am currently losing my mind: six classes. trying to study for my BOC national certification exam which is a mere 22 days (TWENTY TWO DAYS!?!?!) away, trying to decide on grad schools to apply to & then apply to them, trying to find a job for January - August, trying to go to clinicals, trying to work so I have money to pay rent, trying to run so I can at least start the race at Nationals in 25 (TWENTY FIVE!!) days, and most of all trying not to die of the bronchitis that I've had brewing in my lungs for the past two weeks.


Does that sound like a Lot? Yeah. It might be. Maybe just a little too much.

Add the fact that my mother and I recently became estranged in an epic battle and move-out of all of my possessions into a storage unit, coupled with other relationship issues in regards to some guys, and yeah - I'm a little over the edge right now.

Sorry. I know, I shouldn't complain. But I want to so bitterly and adamantly.

I guess there's not much else to say. The thing with my mom has really affected me but she was getting out of control and adding too much stress to this semester, which as you can see, I can't really afford to add any more. I'm trying to cut things out of my life right now which aren't worth my time and that includes incredibly stressful situations that only hamper my mind. I hate that I am "separated" from my mom. I have always wanted to have a normal family and a normal family relationship with everyone in it, but let's face it - I was running away from home as a 3 year old. I must have known then something that I never quite shook.

It's the reason I'm so edgy with people and never really know how to act around them unless in mostly scripted situations. It's the reason I'm terrible when it comes to relationships with guys and knowing what the right thing to do is. I wish I could get past it and be a normal functioning member of society - and believe me, I've been working on it. I'm already a lot better than I was, but still there's something about me that screams, don't date her, just try to hook up with her. I mean really? I feel sometimes like I have a sign on my forehead with those exact words engraved.


Anyway. This post is rather blithering and I ought not to really continue it. I'm really just kind of letting this post write itself which is something I haven't done in quite some time. I guess we'll see how it turns out in the end.

Then again, maybe this is the end.