Integrity

Staring wildly, stinging glances- swear you won't look. I'm telling you, shut yer ears.

Count the change, as slowly as you can. Its only seconds that are dripping away with the sweat on your torso, its only accumulating and pooling into minutes... and what are these minutes to us but a way to spend time anyway?

In your other ear, you will hear, juxtaposed with that clinking change, plans for a fight. Why is this conversation taking place in plan view? Gaze a little more recklessly around and the world starts to spin out of control.


Hello. I'm here, and still alive. How unfortunate? Depends.

I'm sitting here trying to read some bullshit for my classes and I am 100% anxious and unable to focus at all. I think I am developing some degree of ADD/ ADHD but I'm not particularly sure why so I'll have to eventually chalk it up to something else entirely at some point in time. This inability to focus bodes very ill for me because I have an exceptional week ahead of me in which I must suffer Four exams in the space of approx. 48 hours. This is of significant concern to me but of course I can't start panicking till the day or two beforehand.


I'm bothered--- Don't TELL me my business. I'm serious. This guy made an epic fail demotivator about Motion City Soundtrack. This is the greatest blasphemy I can possibly imagine. So I have gotten into an argument with him. He called the band Emo, which is isn't... They have cynical lyrics, sure, but every single song is, in general, upbeat, uptempo. But thats not really the point. I don't care if they are actually GOOD, I enjoy them, and this is what he is attacking, he is attacking the enjoy-ability of a certain set of musicians and is, in general, dismissing the entirety of modern music as piles of shit and "meaningless chords" (as he keeps saying), and I can't understand this. Of course most modern music is bullshit, and there's nothing really that compares to classic rock or any thing like that. There's nothing that compares to something like Zepplin or the Beatles. That's a problem with American culture on the whole. And anyone who realizes this really can't change that all on their own, and really, how would that be possible? That would be like telling humans "kay, sorry.. you've gotten too fucking stupid, we have to reverse your evolutionary chain and try something completely different." You can't just take back what's been done already... Its not possible, except possibly in cases of amnesia or related memorial issues (Korsakov's, etc.).

My point is, that, yes, I agree with this fool that music on a whole has become watered down bs (GENERALIZATION), but that if you sit here and can't agree to enjoy any of it, then that is no sort of life. I have thought about this, "what if I only listened to classic rock" or "what if I only listened to swing music from decades ago?" The answer is you would miss everything that happened since then. You can't live entirely in music that is very well aged- you have to have a general understanding of the time you are LIVING in. How would it be, then, to lock yourself in a room and only participate in activities of a person from the 1920s, only to, say, 5 years later, emerge and find yourself in 2013, almost 100 years after this time period. That is not physically conducive to humanity's innate drive for constant re-creation and innovation. Locking yourself in the past does nothing for you. You can accept that modern times are Bullshit, but you can't get the past back, no matter what you want to happen.

Pretension knows no limits.

In other news, I'm slightly upset with women's clothing. It is sadly disgusting and disappointing. I was at Old Navy today and hoping to find some nice warm clothing to wear. All I could find were the most obscene color combinations (presumably aimed at the Helen Keller crowd), and nasty designs. Why can't I get a plain simple shirt, or hoodie, or something? And why are the sized so poorly botched?

It wasn't till I went ot the fitting room with my pile of what turned out to be ILL-fitting clothing, that I saw something I actually wanted. In the men's section. Why the fuck do they get the most comfortable clothing and simple designs? Fuck that. So I bought this lovely warm and cozy hoodie thing, which I am fully enjoying now as I look out the window on scenes of chaos and mayhem. Also known as the city of Madison on a particularly rowdy night.

I haven't yet figured out what is going on at the Union tonight but so far an ambulance has been called on two occasions, both times leaving horns-a-blaring, with the presumption of someone's life being endangered; additional troops including the first response of a fire truck and later several police vehicles. There has been an unusual amount of roaring, some people fighting, and some shouts such as "STOP FUCKING SHOPPING AT AMERICAN APPAREL, YOU FAGGOT."

Meanwhile I am enjoying the comforts of my innumerable purchases, numbering to a ridiculous scale but also causing great pleasure simply in their existence. Such things include some danish and new clothes, as well as the huge bag of candy I bought for eight dollars today. Absolutely ridiculous Halloween preparations already in progress.

Cross country has continued to march on. I missed a meet today in the Chicago suburbs... this is slightly saddening especially since it appears most people faired rather well and even PR-ed, but I had to miss it in an attempt (ill-conceived, poorly executed, and in reality accomplishing nothing) to get somewhere towards passing my aforementioned exams this week. So far I just wish it was Friday for my PT appointment-- my knee problem is slightly more than irritating now (along with innumerous other things).

I've had enough.